Dear God, I’m losing weight with video games

cre: Dear God, I’m losing weight with video games

As a garbage man, I have two specific trash conditions: first, I live an incredibly unhealthy lifestyle, and second, I punish myself for everything I’ve ever thought, done, and failed to do. Do you think you regret things now? I can’t forget the things I did as child. When I was seven, I stole a friend’s Nerf ball, wrote my name on it, and pretended it was mine. It still haunts me.

So when the world decided to have an apocalypse, I decided to try something I had been telling myself for over a decade: cooking healthier food. It did not work. Turned out absolutely terrible, to be honest. It turns out that cooking requires patience, perseverance and following instructions. Nothing that I was ready to do within twenty to forty minutes.

But what I was willing to do was strap my body to uncomfortable devices and exercise with video games. And the worst part is that it seems to work and it cuts me off from the enjoyment of all other video games.

Here’s the routine: Every day, when I feel like I’m finally happy, I decide I should make myself unhappy by playing a game that requires physical exertion. I spend about half an hour doing this until I feel tired, then I take a shower in the dark and think about the person I’ve become.

As for the games, I change them! Sometimes I play Ring Fit on Nintendo Switch, a game about a magic exercise ring that never shuts up. He doesn’t stop talking. And while the game’s main villain is ostensibly a weightlifting dragon who could destroy me, my real antagonist is that fucking ring. It’s not that I don’t want to squat well, it’s that my body is terrible.

I also play a lot of exercise games in virtual reality, because I may have a small one bedroom apartment, but I live alone. No one should see this. Nobody wants to see that. My secret shame. Most of these games – Beat Saber, Audioshield, Audica, Box VR – basically make me do the same thing: wave my arms over and over to the music until my arms are very tired. They also make me do squats, which as the ring taught me is not my forte.

One of the main advantages of training in virtual reality is that you cannot see yourself. I don’t have to look at a man who spent a week eating Cadbury eggs because he accidentally ordered sixty and not a six pack like he thought. It also helps to feel a bit immersed. Not immersed in the sense of “it looks like the real thing!” This is not the case. Nothing seems real anymore. But immersed in the sense that I can’t stop exercising and checking my phone every five minutes to see if I suddenly have any friends.

Over the past month and a half, I’ve grown to hate these games. Every day my Ring Fit leg strap feels a little more uncomfortable and every night my Oculus Quest feels looser and more covered in sweat. I mastered almost every song on Expert. I shot everyone in Pistol Whip like I was John Thicc. I mean I did a third thing, but, really, it’s mostly the range of experiences. There’s some Vader Immortal dojo play in there, but the phrase “dojo play” sounds like a sex act I really have to ask for.

As much as I now hate those games, the thought of doing another fucking game of POP/STARS on Beat Saber makes me want to cry, it really works. I am losing weight. I lost enough weight to notice it. Shirts that didn’t fit me before fit pretty well. Most of them are video game preorder shirts. In fact, most of the shirts I have are pre-order video game shirts. I didn’t try to see if the pants fit any better. Pants don’t exist in this future world.

I recognize that my desire to lose weight – or at least, to have a form that is not described as “Robotnik” – belongs only to me. My bodily issues are my own to deal with. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to try what I’m trying – nor would I recommend it. It sucks. The distaste I feel for the games I once loved cannot be underestimated. Beat Saber can suck my ass. Or, ass. No matter. I simply can’t deny that this is the first time in nearly eighteen years that I’ve created a healthy pattern for myself that isn’t dependent on crash dieting or self-abuse.

Will I continue this charade when New York reopens and I have to return to the offices of my work? I do not know. I don’t even know if I’ll even go on another week when I finally put a fucking Joycon in my TV for not recording me bending one leg in a yoga pose. But there’s something to be said for hating these games with all my heart, hating working out with all my body, hating doing something productive with all my soul, and doing it anyway. Maybe quarantine is forcing me to find ways to be active. Maybe it’s a loophole in my brain that thinks even a game I don’t like is still a game. I don’t know. But, fuck me, at least I’m trying.

source: gameplaytrick.com -

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